36 Weeks

You have grown immensely!  For a short time it looked like you had dropped into position, which you have, but now you have grown to take up all the space, so it looks like I am carrying high again, although I am not you are still low, you are just so big you are taking up all the space that I have.  We had an ultra sound which you didn't cooperate all that well at, we were able to see the back of your head, and sort of make out that your face was covered by your hands, and see your legs all squished up and your bum, you also flashed us so we know that you are a girl.  At the ultra sound you measured in at just over 7 pounds, they say that they aren't 100% accurate with their readings, which I hope not because we still potentially have 4 weeks left of you growing in me! 

Your movements are becoming less, because you have less room to move in.  My swelling is becoming more, and your jabs when you do squirm are becoming more powerful! 

Everyone is excited for your arrival, some even worrying about how they will know you are here and when they will know you are here so that they can be the first to meet you!  The love for you is extreme!!!  Which is just the way it should be, if you learn anything in life I want it to be what true happiness is, and what it is to be truly loved beyond all measure!!!! 

You are so important to us already, you are so loved already, you are so special to us, I cant even put into words how much you mean to us already!!!  And we are ready for you!!  We are ready for you to be in our arms, to hold you, to rock you, to swaddle you, to tuck you into bed, to feed you, and to tell you even more everyday how much we love you!!!!!!   

32 weeks

Its been a while since I posted anything.  We had a great mothers day!  It was somewhat relaxing!  You are continuing to grow well, your movements have changed to jabs as you squirm.  You are no longer punching and kicking you are squirming around in there with what little room you have, with pieces of you poking me with almost every movement.

31 Weeks and 4 Days

All my monitoring of us has shown me some great consistencies of me and you!  My blood pressure has now been fairly consistent for two weeks, the odd morning have been at my normal, but most of the time I have been a little bit higher than normal, but nothing close to what I was (so I am taking that as a good sign).  Your movements are fairly consistent, you are most active usually in the morning hours, and then again around 2 in the afternoon, and then again between 5 and 6, and then again when I am having a shower before bed, and again around midnight(you wake me up then with your movements).  I can also make you active by eating something cold, something sweet or some fruit. 
You still don't move for your dad, last night I was laying in bed while he was getting ready to go and check cows and I said she is going crazy in here, and he said settle down and you were as still as can be as soon as his voice was near.  He has now titled himself the baby whisperer. 
Yesterday I felt great, I didn't feel pregnant.  I knew you were in there as you were moving along with everything I did, but I didn't feel like a whale moving around(until about 3 in the afternoon, then I was a bit stiff), my center of gravity wasn't off, much like I feel this morning!  Yesterday because I was feeling so great, I did some much needed yard work, we weeded three out of four of the tree rows, and cleaned them up - I hope our tree stubs start to grow sometime!  They all have buds on them, so there is life but they are all so small still, the little saplings, I am sure they will grow one day, I hope they will, if our dog lets them.  On top of weeding we also planted all of the annuals which we had picked up earlier in the week, we have flowers in some of our pots and strawberries growing and already producing fruit!  We also cut some of the grass, as much as I could handle, on the mower we did.  We got a lot done yesterday, you and I, much to your dad's protests.  You see the doctor put us on rest, which to your dad means that I shouldn't be going to work still, and I shouldn't be doing anything labourous, to keep you and me safe.  But no one is taking care of the garden and no one is taking care of the things on my to do list, and I don't have the staff right now to not go to work.  SO you and I work slowly through stuff to get it done! And we make a great team!  You seemed to like all the work yesterday, you were a busy bee moving inside of me. 
By the way you were moving yesterday, I think there is a chance that you finally turned around and are upside down awaiting your time to come out.  But I know there is a chance you can still turn around again, as there is still time so we will see what your silly self does. 
Your dad and I love talking about what it will be like when you arrive, even though we don't have a clue what it will really be like, what your personality will be or what your needs will be(how often you will want to eat ect.) But it is fun to imagine.  We are both so curious to how things will be, and what you will be like, and who exactly you will look like!  I was off in my count last week, this week it is nine weeks until your due date, I guess now we are at about eight and a half weeks until then.  And it is crazy to think that there is chance a slight chance that we will could see you in less than that, right now it is safe for you to come out in about six weeks and you could magically arrive on your own in that time. 
Your dad and I love you already, and I cant imagine our love for you growing anymore, but I know that it will, as I couldn't comprehend my love for your dad growing anymore but it has, and there is the fact that people tell me once you are in my arms and I start to see you grow it is in then that I will actually understand my love for you, and it will grow with each day. 
We love you to the moon and back and back again! 

The day of your arrival is getting Closer,

I am pretty swollen most of the time now, and my blood pressure is up - they say that is due to the swelling, they don't know why I am swelling the way that I am, they have said it could be because of the way you are sitting in me, or just because that is how my body does pregnant!  They have put me on restricted duties, limited work, and I now test my blood pressure at home four times a day, check my pee for proteins, and sit and record your movements three times a day to make sure that you are just fine, and that I am just fine!!!  The Concerns had me concerned at first, but both of us seem to be fine, so now it is just another part of the job of growing you!  Which by the way is the most important job I think I have ever had! 
The count down is on we have around nine weeks left before your due date!  I want you to stay in there and grow healthy but at the sametime I am more than ready to be done being pregnant.  I am more than ready to have you in my arms!  I am sure once you are in my arms there will be days and times that I wish you were still in me(so that you are only mine, and I have an excuse to need the extra sleep and rest). 
You still haven't kicked your dad - your movements have become a lot stronger!  When I put the ipad on me to hear your heart beat, you kick the ipad, or when I rest my hands on my belly you kick my arms, or when I lay on either side you kick the bed.  When I am counting your movements I sit and feel them from the outside to make sure they are strong ones!  But little one your dad puts your hands on my tummy to feel you and you seem to know it, you immediately stop moving and a grooving, kicking or hitting or whatever it is you are doing in there.  Your poor dad!  He has plans if you don't come out before the nine weeks are up he will take me on a drive on the back roads and on a quad ride to shake you out of there -- if he could I think he would do it now, he asked if we could until he realized that you are only about 3 pounds so we would be in the hospital while you grew for a while and neither one of us want that, so he is patiently and impatiently awaiting your arrival!
We both love you so much already!  I am so excited for the day that I can hold you in my arms, and so excited to see you in your dad's arms! 
We love you to the moon and back and back again!

May is Approaching

As we grow our second baby in my belly, and the days and weeks pass by and the baby keeps growing I am still at times reminded at the one that we lost. 
We are now about a month away from when that bean would have joined our family.  We are excited about what is and what is to come! Don't get me wrong at all when I write this, the miracle that is growing in me is incredible, and we can not wait to hold her in our arms!  But in the back of my head I can't help but wonder why we lost the first one, what did I do wrong, why wasn't that baby meant to be.  I mean if it was meant to be we wouldn't be having this one that is growing so nicely that has caused us so much joy! But sometimes I just wonder what happened.  We have had more time to get to know the bean that is growing in me right now, feeling her kicks and jabs and hiccups.  But both pregnancies we were overcome with joy, excitement and love from the moment we suspected that there was something there!  Just sometimes I wonder, what happened.  I know it happened for a reason but it didn't make it any easier at the time.  Just like I know with this pregnancy things in the beginning that overwhelmingly stressed us out, being told something was possibly wrong, and then finding out that everything was possibly right, was a hard thing to go through BUT it happened for a reason. 
But as May approaches and the due date of the first baby, which didn't have the chance to grow that big, I just wonder what would have been, what happened but all at the same time am more than excited about what is! A hard thing to explain!

28 Weeks

28 weeks = 7 months = start of the third trimester = you are due to arrive in 12 weeks!!! 

I am feeling overwhelmed with the list of things that I want to have done before your arrival.  What is left to be done really could be done after you arrive, but really the only thing I want on my to do list after you arrive is to snuggle you, to feed you, change you and love you.  So I slowly will work away at the rest, hopefully things will get caught up and I will feel more relaxed and ready to do nothing but hang out with you once you arrive in our arms!  This weekend is officially being called Tax weekend, it is where you and I will sit at the kitchen table and complete the tax forms(not a fun job but someone has to do it, my vote is that next year it is someone else).  To entertain myself between taxes and give myself a brain break, we have some house cleaning to do and some garden prep work to do and we have to run to town to get some stuff for work, and I have some of your stuff I would like to get ready like your bottles, the breast pump and some soothers. 

You are growing like crazy!  I can feel the stretching and the extra weight -- once I heal from you coming out of me, you and I have some grand work out sessions ahead of us!  I thought that you were maybe turning yesterday as you have been feet down for pretty much the whole time, that I can tell anyways.  BUT based on where I can feel you kicking and where I can find your heart rate, I think you did turn, well maybe you turned a bit, you possibly may be a bit sideways now.  I guess we will see what you do in the next couple weeks. 
From the what to expect page, it says you are now 16 inches long, you must be squished, and I am guessing you will just become more squished even if we keep growing together.  It also says that you are over 2 pounds now, it is crazy to think of how much you have grown in such a short time.  Although that short time has felt like a long time. 
Yesterday when your dad and I were talking about how far along you were with your growth, he said "only seven months, this is taking forever"  I think he is anxious to meet you and hold you in his arms.  You still haven't kicked for him you stinker, you will be moving or jabbing me, and as soon as he comes near you are as still as a statute.  Last night I was laying on my side reading and my one arm was resting on the side of my stomach and it was almost like you were pushing me off, so I called him to let him try and he sat there pressing waiting to see if you would push back.  Instead of you pushing him you start pushing on the side that was laying on the bed.  I wonder what you are going to be like to him once you come out, are you going to torcher him, or is he going to be your calm safe place. 
We are both so excited about your coming into our arms!!!  Keep growing baby, keep getting stronger baby, and keep turning baby, so we have a very short hospital stay, we want to be in and out so that we can be cuddled up at home!
We love you to the moon and back and back again!!!!!  I cant even tell you how much we love you already, you have stolen our hearts!

27 Weeks

I took the day off work today so I could feel like I was getting ontop of house work again, especially with the Easter weekend here and everyone gathering around, I also wanted to start some yard work, BUT you seemed to move and groove a lot last night on my bladder AND I think we are growing again because I have been uncomfortable, so I am tired today AND it snowed!!!  So I have been slowly working on house cleaning and taxes - some exciting times :)
Its funny when things get crazy and I feel a tab bit lonely I sit for a second and I feel you nudging me and I realize that I am not alone at all you are moving everywhere with me, and poor you is doing everything with me including cleaning house. 
This morning I sat down and wrote out the weeks on the calendar, and it is incredible how much time we have left and at the same time how much time we do not have left before your arrival.  Don't worry your room is all ready for you, I am working on another blanket for you, we have some clothes and diapers for you, and I just need to wash your bottles and suckies up and those will all be ready for you too!  But it is a shock to notice how much time we have left before you arrival and I am sure it will pass quickly!!!  WE are ready to hold you, just not yet, I want to hold you inside a while longer so you are good and strong!  I think we have finally picked for sure your name, we now just need to finish the discussions over your middle name! 

We love you more then we ever thought we could imagine already!!!  And are patiently and impatiently awaiting your arrival all. 

25 Weeks Along

To Celebrate us being 25 weeks along with you, I took both your Grandma and your Nana(granny- she says she doesn't want to be called granny yet, she keeps calling herself that) shopping yesterday.  I was so tired by the end of it and you my dear were so spoiled! I felt bad because I wanted to buy some stuff for you, but anything I would pick up they would snatch to make sure that it was bought for you!  You will have the wardrobe of a princess when you come out(I really hope they didn't make a mistake in the reading of you being a girl, if they did you and I will be shopping until we cant move any more after you are born to replace all the pink and purple with red and blues). 
I was able to get you some good books yesterday, which I was excited about, I cant wait to hold you in my arms and read with you!  A full day of Saturday shopping I was exhausted, and my feet were swollen and sore, but you got some wonderful things!!!!! 

Friday was the actual day you turned 25 weeks, and that was a busy day for us!  We started by going to the doctors.  We heard your beautiful strong heart beat, your heart rate was just perfect at 152.  I then had the blood sugar test done, and then we continued on to Weyburn in hopes to find someone to cut my hair and pamper me, before our bank appointment - we lost out on the hair cut, but we did some shopping and were able to do some shopping and have our bank appointment and then come how to enjoy sometime with your dad.  Your dad has been so busy lately with broken equipment and calving(although we have been only averaging 3-4 calves per day - with the exception of Friday night).  The cows on Friday night must have figured it was time to celebrate your growing and do some good calving, in an hour our three calves born that day doubled, it was a busy night!!! 

Today has been a big one!!!

Today you have been growing in me for 6 whole months!!! 

Today there have been signs of spring, which I have anxiously been waiting for!  The dug out and dams are all over flowing, which means snow is melting and water is moving!  The sprouts have started coming up, my flowers have started to grow!

BUT in all that has happened today the biggest and most important thing is that you have now been growing in me for 6 whole months, which means we are hopefully less than 4 months away from holding you in our arms!!!! 
Your are moving and a grooving in me like crazy lately.  The other night I was laying in the bath and you were shaking my belly with how much you were moving.  And yesterday at work your movements were so strong they actually shocked me and made me jump, and then I got distracted from work while I sat and watched my belly jerk and felt you moving around.  Today the kids were so loud in the daycare, and you went absolutely nuts!  I texted your dad to tell him I don't know if you like their noise and are trying escape so you can play with them or if you are shocked by it and it is horrible for you to listen to.  His answer to me was to shut the kids up, so that you could relax! 

You went on your first quad ride in my belly today!  I haven't gotten on the quad or in a tractor since I found out you were in me.  I was to afraid of doing anything that would hurt you!!!!!  So today was a big day as your dad drove me down to see all the water overflowing!

And your room is now mostly ready for your Arrival. 

Here are a couple pictures of you and me courtesy  of your dad.

Your Beautiful Self....

I can't even explain the emotions that rushed on Thursday, hearing the words false positive, seeing your beautiful face and all your functioning and perfect organs and your perfectly growing self!  When they were doing the ultra sound and we were looking at your organs, I sat, well laid there anxious as we moved from organ to organ and measurement to measurement, the lady probably thought I was nuts every time she zoomed in on something on you I would freak and say is it ok, is that what it is supposed to look like, what are you looking for, what are you looking at.  Your dad tried to make conversation to distract me and let the women do her job, but it didn't work.  She did her job, I asked question after question and you wiggled around! 
Then to have the doctor come in and look at you, and say well I think you are ok, my best guess is that it is a false positive and you can go back to seeing your regular doctor!  Right then I cried! Because I was so happy that you were fine!  I was so angry that I was robbed of the first 21 months and that you and I lived in a bit of stress(sorry baby that I made you live in stress with the worry that I had for you), I was scared of going back to my regular doctor, scared of leaving the head obgyn(just in case there is something they missed, I want the best for you), I was also just overwhelmed with seeing how much you have grown and how perfect you look. 
AND then to top it off they took a shot of your face a 4D shot and they slowly moved the pieces of fluid away so that we could see you, it was like the unveiling of a master piece!  You are a master piece, YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL!  I cant wait to hold you in my arms -- but I want to wait and will wait because I want you to stay in there just a little bit longer! 
Your movements in the last few days have become more frequent and a lot stronger!  When you are moving around it is like the world is just me and you, and that is one thing I will not ever in a million years even if I wanted to, share with someone else. I cant wait for the day that you are strong enough that your dad can feel you through my skin, I want him to feel that so badly too! 
YOUR BEAUTIFUL SELF, We love you! I love you!  we cant wait to hold you in our arms, to rock you to walk with you, to calm you, to feed you, to even change your poop, we are excited about your growing, we are excited that you are ok and we can just fight a regular fight with you, and we hope it stays that way!  As the worry has lessoned some, the excitedness and wanting everything to be perfect for your arrival has increased!!!  I have already met you BUT I cant wait to hold you in my arms and look at your beautiful self each day!!! 

Tomorrow is a big day for us little one.  We get to see your face again!  We get to hear your heart again!  We get to see you a moving and a grooving again!  BUT we also get to see all your organs, and your face measurements and your body measurements, I am hoping tomorrow will be a day of peace.  A day where the doctors say there are still no markers showing us that is something wrong other then your blood work from when you were only 12 weeks pregnant so carry on growing your baby.  If by chance they say that something is wrong, well we will face it and we will do it and we will fight it with you and for you, and do everything in our power to make sure you are ok, to make sure that you have a life full of happiness!!!! 
I am so uneasy about tomorrow, so many mixed emotions, I have found myself tearing up over and over again today, and through out last night with the anxiousness of waiting!  Waiting to see your growing self, waiting for a new picture of you!  Waiting to hear that you are ok, or what we have to do to make sure you are ok!  I am hoping that we can hear that you are ok and we can just go out and celebrate by buying you -- I don't know what, because we have almost everything we need to be ready for you, except maybe some clothes and some diapers!  And if we hear that you are not ok, we will probably shed some giant alligator tears and then we will go out and pick up the things we think we will need to welcome you to the world and fight with you and for you!  We are fighting for you already! 
I can feel my belly stretching, can feel you growing and getting stronger with your movements and I can not wait to hold you in my arms, but for now I will settle with holding you in my belly protected from the world(expect for the screaming daycare kids you hear now and again) AND seeing you on the screen tomorrow, I cant wait to see how much you have changed and grown and to see all of you, watch them explore and your organs and see them all functioning.  I love you!!  I already love you more then I thought I could!

20 Weeks Baby

Your room is almost ready, just a few touches to be done.  And we have four monthsish to finish them.  I was hoping to be done by now, so I can sleep as much as I can during calving and make sure I make some meals after work and good treats for him, as he will be doing most of the calving on his own this year, I am tooo afraid of hurting you!  But saying that I don't know if I am going to be able to keep myself away from those baby calves either and my cows!  I also was planning on being done early with the prep work for you, so that I could take my time to plant my garden.  So that together we can weed it, well you can sit in a chair or stroller while I weed it and we can grow some vegetables that I can freeze and later make some good food for you to eat! 

My gosh, 20 weeks, 5 months of having you growing inside of my already, it is unbelievable and at the same time unbelievable that it hasn't yet been nine months. 

Today.....

Today you are a moving and grooving like crazy baby.  I don't think I have gone more then an hour without feeling you at some point.  Maybe the yelling and crazy daycare kids are scaring you?  At one point I was guessing you had the hiccups, because it was a pretty constant in the same spot little jump from you I think I was feeling. 
I am stretching again, I can feel it in my skin, I felt it all night long!  I have started to develop the ugly stretch marks, which are also known as the beautiful map that is being left on my belly, a map of you growing inside of me. 

Sometimes....

Sometimes I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror as I walk by and am in shock at the bump on me, the bump that keeps growing. When I catch a quick look it is like it is unreal to me that you are growing in there.

Sometimes when I am laying there awake at night(I don't always sleep so well) I imagine what our lives are going to be like when you are out of my belly. I wonder if I will ever be just laying there awake listening to your dad snore or if I will be busy feeding you, and sleeping hard when I can.

Sometimes when I feel you moving, even after the last four weeks of feeling you it still feels so shocking, yet so very wonderful at the same time.

Sometimes when people are talking about how they can't wait to meet you and hold you, I feel stress of having to let you go.

Sometimes when I watch the news I wonder what the headlines will be when you grow up. I also wonder if the diseases which are spreading right now like measles will be over with so I don't have to worry so much about taking you out before you are old enough to get immunized. I know immunizations won't keep you completely from getting them, there is still a chance you will have to fight that fight BuT you won't have to fight it as badly. I fear for the people who may put your health at risk.

Sometimes I have an incredible feeling of overwhelmingness when I think your dad and I are going to be raising you and I wonder if we can, if we will be good enough for you.

And often i find myself already having a huge heart and love for you. And as much as you listen to my heart ect. And I feel you moving around I don't really even know you yet.

As We Wait For you....

No one told me the anxiousness that would come as we wait for you, the moments of panic, and unreadiness. 
I was told in my early 20's that I may never have you growing in me, that the chances of you growing in me were slim.  I grieved for a baby growing in me then,  and every time someone would announce that they were pregnant, before I was even ready to try I would grieve. 
Then I met the man of my dreams, he actually isn't the same as the man I dreamed I would marry when I was little but he is more than perfect for me, and I couldn't imagine life without him. 
Without even trying(we just stopped trying to not let it happen) we ended up with a baby growing inside of me, and at the end of September we lost that baby and we grieved.  And as we grieved we wondered if it would happen for us. 
Then you, you began to grow.  They found you when they were searching to see if there were pieces from the baby that we had lost were still in me.  They found you a miracle!  We were and are so happy!!!! 
The first trimester, no one ever told me the fears that I would grow each time you were growing and I was growing to hold you, no one told me how I would panic at every pain, the fear that we were going to loose you too was so huge, because we wanted you!  We were sad we lost the other baby, but we really wanted you. 
I always heard all these wonderful things about being pregnant, no one told me of the fears, of the anxiety, of the pain as my body stretches, of the times of being uncomfortable, and how exhausting it can be.  BUT as those hard things happen and will each little roll over I feel you doing, and each little kick or punch you give me, I am thankful that you are here, that you are growing.  They have told us there may be something wrong with you, they are unsure because I couldn't go through with any testing that would risk hurting you, but the doctors they are watching you close, and we are holding you close, knowing that no matter what you are and will be perfect for us! 
We are almost half way done holding you in my tummy, and are excited for the day we can hold you in our arms! We stress and at times cry over the thought that you may need extra care, our biggest fear is that you would need to have surgery and we couldn't take you home right away.  We will find out in a couple of weeks when they do an indepth ultra sound on your organs, it is called a genetic ultra sound, we have already had one of these done, it was really cool to see your kidneys functioning and just the right size, and your heart, with all four chambers.  The last genetic ultra sound we had looked like everything was good, but your heart was too small then for them to see completely so we are going to have another one which will tell us for sure that everything is fine!  So far on all the ultra sounds you have been just fine!  you are growing wonderfully and normally!!!  AND so maybe it was just something in my blood wasn't right on the day they took it, or however that works. 

As I look forward I am ecstatic about your arrival, and nervous about every decision we make as we prepare for your arrival.  I have never second guessed my decisions as much as I do with all the ones which surround you, which bottles to buy, which diapers to use.  You would think after working in child care for over ten years, caring for numerous infants, the years I spent nannying before I started in child care, and all the years of babysitting before that, I would feel more ready, more confident, then what I am.  But there are still things that I go to do, that I feel like I need to research a million times over to feel like I am making the best decision for you.  There are still things that I am unsure of, even though deep inside I am more then sure of.  I have been told this feeling will never go away, that I will still have the feelings of doubting myself and worry when it comes to you! 

Even with the worry and doubting of our decisions, we will anxiously be awaiting the day that we can take you home in our arms and not be carting you around in my tummy.  Even though it feels like in my tummy is the safest place for you!  A place where you are warm and cozy and where little harm can come to you!  But you cant stay in there forever!!  So grow baby, grow!  We are waiting for you to be in our arms!!!