May is Approaching

As we grow our second baby in my belly, and the days and weeks pass by and the baby keeps growing I am still at times reminded at the one that we lost. 
We are now about a month away from when that bean would have joined our family.  We are excited about what is and what is to come! Don't get me wrong at all when I write this, the miracle that is growing in me is incredible, and we can not wait to hold her in our arms!  But in the back of my head I can't help but wonder why we lost the first one, what did I do wrong, why wasn't that baby meant to be.  I mean if it was meant to be we wouldn't be having this one that is growing so nicely that has caused us so much joy! But sometimes I just wonder what happened.  We have had more time to get to know the bean that is growing in me right now, feeling her kicks and jabs and hiccups.  But both pregnancies we were overcome with joy, excitement and love from the moment we suspected that there was something there!  Just sometimes I wonder, what happened.  I know it happened for a reason but it didn't make it any easier at the time.  Just like I know with this pregnancy things in the beginning that overwhelmingly stressed us out, being told something was possibly wrong, and then finding out that everything was possibly right, was a hard thing to go through BUT it happened for a reason. 
But as May approaches and the due date of the first baby, which didn't have the chance to grow that big, I just wonder what would have been, what happened but all at the same time am more than excited about what is! A hard thing to explain!