Your Beautiful Self....

I can't even explain the emotions that rushed on Thursday, hearing the words false positive, seeing your beautiful face and all your functioning and perfect organs and your perfectly growing self!  When they were doing the ultra sound and we were looking at your organs, I sat, well laid there anxious as we moved from organ to organ and measurement to measurement, the lady probably thought I was nuts every time she zoomed in on something on you I would freak and say is it ok, is that what it is supposed to look like, what are you looking for, what are you looking at.  Your dad tried to make conversation to distract me and let the women do her job, but it didn't work.  She did her job, I asked question after question and you wiggled around! 
Then to have the doctor come in and look at you, and say well I think you are ok, my best guess is that it is a false positive and you can go back to seeing your regular doctor!  Right then I cried! Because I was so happy that you were fine!  I was so angry that I was robbed of the first 21 months and that you and I lived in a bit of stress(sorry baby that I made you live in stress with the worry that I had for you), I was scared of going back to my regular doctor, scared of leaving the head obgyn(just in case there is something they missed, I want the best for you), I was also just overwhelmed with seeing how much you have grown and how perfect you look. 
AND then to top it off they took a shot of your face a 4D shot and they slowly moved the pieces of fluid away so that we could see you, it was like the unveiling of a master piece!  You are a master piece, YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL!  I cant wait to hold you in my arms -- but I want to wait and will wait because I want you to stay in there just a little bit longer! 
Your movements in the last few days have become more frequent and a lot stronger!  When you are moving around it is like the world is just me and you, and that is one thing I will not ever in a million years even if I wanted to, share with someone else. I cant wait for the day that you are strong enough that your dad can feel you through my skin, I want him to feel that so badly too! 
YOUR BEAUTIFUL SELF, We love you! I love you!  we cant wait to hold you in our arms, to rock you to walk with you, to calm you, to feed you, to even change your poop, we are excited about your growing, we are excited that you are ok and we can just fight a regular fight with you, and we hope it stays that way!  As the worry has lessoned some, the excitedness and wanting everything to be perfect for your arrival has increased!!!  I have already met you BUT I cant wait to hold you in my arms and look at your beautiful self each day!!!